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Dear Suicidal Person, Please Do Not Kill Yourself

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Anytime I hear about suicide, I literally feel a sharp pain in my chest. It breaks my heart to know that people, I mean kids, teens, adolescents and young adults who have so many years ahead of them want to die. It is really sad! Like, so sad that someone who has life has no reason to live. All they do is pray and wish so much for it to be taken away from them. Some literally beg to die and some eventually kill themselves. I see them as courageous because though I’ve been suicidal before, I’ve never gotten to the point of attempting it. I’m scared of the pain and I’m scared of the consequences I may have to face if I fail.

Yes! I’ve been suicidal before and if I’m to count the number of times, I don’t think I’ll be able to arrive at a definite answer. The first time was when I was 14. At that young age, I was suicidal but no one knew about it. I’ve lived with my family for many years but no one knows about my suicidal thoughts and it’s heartbreaking. So many suicidal people out there are just like me, they keep it to themselves and though there are obvious signs, those closest to them are always too busy to notice them. And when they finally succeed in killing themselves, their loved ones relive their memories and realize the signs they never took seriously.

Truth is, we know how it hurts to lose a loved one and though we care so much about you to not want to hurt you, we believe that being alive will cause you more pain than our death. We know that when we die, the earth won’t stop rotating, everything will still go on normally and so, we just do it; we kill ourselves.

Yes! Those on the outside won’t get it and usually they say, ‘hell awaits you,’ ‘just pray to God and trust him, he will erase those thoughts from your mind,’ ‘no one in their right senses will want to kill themselves’ and many others. Those, to any suicidal person are total B.S and the worst of them is when they look at you from head to toe and tell you, ‘you have no reason to want to die.’ Like dude, do you know what is going on inside my head? Do you know the battle I’m fighting with my own mind? Do you know the demons that await me in the corner of my room or under my bed? Do you know how weak I am that I can’t fight anymore? Do you know how much hope I’ve lost? Do you think I can stand my disappointments, pain, failure, depression and grief that are sucking life out of my body any longer? Do you think it is easy for me to continue fighting when true happiness seems to be running away from me but going to everyone else?

Do you think I love being sad and pathetic? Do you think I love being at the same place with no progress when everyone else seems to be moving forward? Do you think I care about hell or God when after crying to him for help so many times; after begging him helplessly to come to my aid for a little hope, he hasn’t answered? Do you think I even believe he exists? If you think hell exists then I’ve been living in hell my whole life!

Darling, I know how devastating it is and this is why I believe I’m a better person to tell you why you shouldn’t kill yourself yet. No, don’t do it at all. If you are going to die, it shouldn’t be by your doing and I’m going to tell you why.

This is the thing about death, we still don’t know exactly what happens when humans die. People believe so many things: rest, judgement, life after death, paradise for all and hell but, which of them is the actual thing that happens? If death was an end in itself where no other life existed after, I wouldn’t mind dying anytime but, do we have any evidence to prove that?

There are so many question marks about life and even up till now, though there are so many theories and beliefs about how the world began, we still don’t know what the actual truth is. Now, that is why you shouldn’t end your life.

Have you ever wanted to go somewhere so bad? Like, a trip or to some country?

Why did you want to go? Did you just hear the name of the place and just decided you have to go there? Or did you see pictures of the place or listen to someone talk about how amazing the place was because they’d been there? Of course! You want to go there because someone has been there and seen how beautiful the place is.

Now, think about this. Have you ever met anyone who died, like the person was pronounced dead with their internal parts removed and buried deep inside the earth or someone whose body was burnt to ashes but came to life after? No?? So, if you haven’t had anyone tell you about death and how much rest or happiness there is after death, why would you want to die?

You can’t go somewhere you know absolutely nothing about unless you are Christian and you believe in Jesus Christ. Fine! If so, then you won’t even consider suicide because you know about hell and eternal torture, which is a million times worse than what you can’t handle at the moment on earth that is pushing you towards death. Meaning, death, which you are assuming is an escape from pain will rather lead you to pain, a trillion times worse than what you are feeling on earth. So, if you know this and even if you don’t care, it’s high time you started caring because, unless death has in store peace and happiness, you have no right to kill your self.

Enough of the Christian stuff, I don’t think any other religion permits anyone to take their own lives so even if you aren’t Christian, you still can’t kill yourself

Now, let’s come back to the physical world. Biologically, we all know that no one came to this earth on their own will. We were made by our parents or doctors, so just like buying a pet or a valuable, we are entitled to decide how long we get to keep the valuables until we get tired of it. And when we get tired of it, we can choose to destroy it. This is where our parents and our lives come in. Since we didn’t give ourselves life, we do not have the right to take it. It’s that simple!

Think about having a baby inside your womb for nine months, how it sort of breaks down your immune system, making you weak and bringing you close to death and finally enduring that excruciating pain of childbirth. Imagine giving birth after going through all that and having that child take their own life. Even if you don’t believe in hell, I think anyone who kills themselves deserves the worst of punishment. Even me, if I ever kill myself. It’s the worst you can do.

We all need to come to terms with life and how living is a struggle. Everything you do in life either helps you or goes against you. Any thing you do for yourself is a plus to you winning at life. So, if you think of life as a game that you can opt out of anytime you feel like, because you can, you are mistaken. Everyone is on their toes fighting to win at life every single day; no matter how okay or happy they seem, they are fighting and are facing issues that they are trying so hard to solve. People have terminal diseases; people are physically challenged, some are poor and others have nothing to live for, but they are fighting to succeed and win. That is why you deciding to quit makes you a loser and it makes you so weak and ungrateful because you had the life that dying people wanted so bad because they had unaccomplished missions here on earth to attend to but you chose to throw it away. It makes you the worst of all sinners because you actually spat on life in its face and do not deserve the rest or happiness you are seeking in death or after death. I’m sorry if that struck a nerve.

Since we don’t know what exactly awaits us after death, why don’t we make the most of our lives and make sure we die as winners and not quitters?

I don’t care about what you think you are going through. Trust me, yours is nothing compared to what someone somewhere is going through and yet they are fighting. Read success stories, read about people’s struggles, talk to people who have once hit rock bottom like you, and how they overcame their depressing thoughts and learn from them. Don’t give up yet! Don’t die yet!

Please, do not kill yourself because you might regret it. You might wish for another chance at life and never get it. That is what will hurt the most because it is eternal. No one likes dealing with hours or days of regret so imagine how eternal regret and bashing would feel like. ‘Had I known’ is the worst thing that could happen to anyone so please, in the name of life itself, do not kill yourself.

Think of how you can win this war against life and how to impact someone’s life or touch someone’s heart.

Talk to someone if you have to. I’m here if you want to talk. Sometimes sharing is the remedy. Please live for me okay, live and win!

Your life matters! So please, once again, do not kill yourself.

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MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE, WRITER, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

Ami Shikah is a sex educator and mental health advocate. She is passionate about sex education and is working towards making her website/blog a place where people come to for knowledge and information that will help them make healthy decisions about sex and sexuality. Mental health isn't treated with much importance in her part of the world (Ghana, Africa) and as someone who has had to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, she hopes to share her experiences with the world and help other people like her. She has in-depth knowledge about sex, sexual health, sexuality, vaginal health, pregnancy and abortion and is working to share it all with the world. She has also made it possible for people to ask questions and get answers to them anytime.

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