No Stranger to Sadness
Hey Siri, play “Sadness Knows My Name” by Velvet Rainfall.
Sadness. Oh, what a familiar guest that I don’t like. I don’t harbor positive feelings toward you, except me accepting that it is what it is. You’ll come and go as and when you please. I can’t stop it. When life happens, you’re here. When things don’t go the way they should, guess who is here again? You. I can always count on that. You keep me company, at least. But I hate you so much. I hate how it feels when you’re here. I know I can’t expect it to be rosy all the time, but I just can’t seem to get used to you. Do you expect me to?
Sometimes, instead of doing anything about it, I feel so powerless and so held back that I’d rather bedrot or choose to do nothing but be home and in bed and just wait it out. It’s the lack of energy for me. It’s the opposite of my usual natural hyper energy. It feels crippling, and I hate it. It makes me want to cry and hug myself, and I do that. Crying can be comforting. It’s like letting your emotions out. It gives them an outlet. Cos keeping it bottled in doesn’t do you any good. It can feel like something eating you up from within.
Reader, I don’t know how you’re feeling right now. Are you happy? Be honest. If you’re happy, good for you! If you’re sad or just lowkey unhappy, then I’m sorry. I’m sending you a virtual hug. A long, comforting one. I’m sorry it has to get this way. I’m sorry you are having a hard time. Hang in there. Please do.
Stay in limbo if that’s what it will require for you to still be here with us. If that’s what will keep that thread you’re hanging by steady enough to keep you from falling, then do that. Do whatever can keep you here. If it’s just getting up and leaving your bedroom or house, do it. If it means taking a walk or driving to no destination, do it. If it means journaling and writing your thoughts and feelings down with a pen/pencil, or typing, do it. It can also mean talking out loud to the universe and screaming for answers.
Do you want to want to go to the beach or stick with audio journaling? Do it!! Do what you need to do! If it means talking to someone, maybe a stranger, family, friend, or mentor, do it. If it means opening up to someone you’d otherwise not open up to, do it. Hopefully, they’ll be the right person to open up to. The right person to support and be there for you. The kinda person who gets it. I wish so much for you that they’ll understand how hard it can be to reach out to someone and open up when you’re going through difficult times. It can be so humbling. It puts you in a vulnerable place. I’m so sorry it had to happen that way 🫂❤️ .
Look at you, you made it here! I wish you love and light. I wish you peace. I pray for things to align in your favor. I hope you feel happy soon. May you find a reason to smile. May that light at the end of the tunnel be with you as soon as possible. I wish you happiness. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of life? Isn’t that what makes it worth living? I wish you so much peace. I already mentioned peace. I hope you feel it from within.
Take care,
Ami ❤️
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