I don’t care how well you think you know your partner. People cheat and people are good at it. I’m not saying everybody cheats though. I’ve met a couple of women who cannot stay faithful, so they keep other men around even though they love their partners. It made me accept that monogamy isn’t for everybody. I’ve met other women who cannot see two people at a time. They are faithful, loyal and devoted to one man even though they entertain platonic friendships with other men.


Men cheat a lot but not all men cheat. I’ve met a number of men who I can swear on my life that they are faithful. Some are too busy to entertain other women and some won’t even look at another woman twice. I’ve met men who cheat too and most are married. It’s disgusting and the worst part is, most of them love raw sex and they’ll have it with anyone. They make me pity their partners because these men can easily catch an STI and infect them with it. It sucks! It hurts to be cheated on but it is more painful when you catch an STI from a cheating partner.

It makes me remember one HIV/AIDs ambassador who spoke to us in junior high or primary school. Sadly, she had AIDS, so I’m guessing she’s dead now. She told us how she got the disease and it was rather sad. She was married to a pilot who loved sleeping with other women and he was always away so you can imagine. This fool wasn’t smart enough to use condoms during his sexcapades. He caught HIV, went back home to have raw sex with his faithful and loyal wife and infected her with it.

You know what’s worse?? Unlike singles who have a reason to get tested for STIs often, married people hardly do. A married woman might only get tested when she is pregnant because it is required to prevent mother-to-child transmission of HIV. Aside from that, they don’t. So this woman caught the virus, lived with it for years till it advanced into AIDS before finding out she had it.

Imagine if you were that woman. You would wish you knew your partner was cheating. You would wish you took some signs you saw seriously and acted fast enough to leave the marriage before he infected you.
This is why I decided to put together this post..


You need trust in relationships to make them work. If from the onset, you have doubts and suspect every move of your partner, you don’t have to be with them. Unless you don’t mind being in an open relationship that allows you to see other people, do not stay with a partner you don’t trust well enough to be with you alone. Don’t!

1. You Cannot Touch/Go Through Their Phones

If your partner has nothing to hide, they shouldn’t have a problem with you going through their phones. You should be able to answer certain calls for them or even check their messages if they are in the washroom or are busy doing something else.

2. Locked Phones

They lock their phones and won’t add your fingerprint or give you the passcode. Why would anyone do that if there’s nothing on the phones they don’t want you to see? Think about it! Doubts and suspicion breed mistrust. To erase them in relationships, you need transparency.

3. Suspicious Phone Calls And They Answer Calls Away From You

Like I mentioned, transparency is needed in relationships. If you cannot answer certain phone calls in front of me and you have to run to another room or the washroom because you got a call, it means you have something to hide. Is it another boyfriend or girlfriend calling you? Is it your side piece? Who is it?

4. They go MIA and you cannot reach them

If we are in a relationship, I need to know what you are up to at anytime. If I cannot reach you, I should be able to understand why and you should have a reasonable explanation to give. Is it work-related? Did your phone battery die? Were you on top of someone else? What is it? If it becomes a regular thing that happens, there might be something fishy going on.

(MIA- Missing In Action/ become unreachable)

5. A Sudden Change In Behavior Or Routine

It could be a change in looks, their attitude towards you or anything. If you cannot explain why your partner has a sudden change in behavior, there could be something suspicious going on. If they start dressing differently, it might be because there’s someone new they’re trying to impress. Ask the right questions and don’t act on your suspicions. If they grow cold towards you and start giving you attitude, find out why.

6. They Ask For A Break

Asking for a break is one way some people end things. Others do it to give them a reason to step out and some might’ve already started entertaining someone new, so they ask for the break to keep doing it without the guilt feeling.

7. The Sex Feels Different

You’ll have to know your partner so well to be able to know there’s something wrong when they stop shagging you like they used to in the past. You need to find out why. Is the sex better? Is your partner introducing new kinks? Are they doing crazy and fun things they wouldn’t do in the past? Maybe someone else is teaching them and because they enjoy it, they want you to also know what it feels like because they still care or in order to make up for the guilt.

Is there less emotional connection and is the sex less intense?? That is also a sign of cheating. It could also mean your partner is losing the feelings they once had for you or they are just bored or too tired. Ask the right questions and find out why.

8. Too Tired To Have Sex

If you and your partner have a very active sex life and they always had the energy for it, you should know there’s something wrong when they start giving you the excuse of being too tired to do it. Don’t get suspicious when it happens just once or twice. You need to find out why by asking and give them the benefit of the doubt. If it happens one too many times, it might be because they’re expending that energy on someone else and always get too tired after.

9. They are MIA on Special Occasions

Valentine’s Day, birthdays and holidays are usually spent with loved ones. If your partner is always too busy or gives excuses as to why they cannot be with you on such occasions and they tend to be unreachable, they might be spending time with someone else. And usually when that happens, you aren’t even the main boyfriend or girlfriend. You might be the side piece.

10. Using The Phone During Sex

Wait.. isn’t that disrespectful? If your partner does that, there’s definitely something fishy going on.

11. They Are Single On Social Media

If there is no sign that your partner is in a relationship on social media, it might be because they are seeing other people. They never post a picture of you, they don’t wish you a happy birthday on their timeline and even if they do, they don’t make it known that you are the boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a sign you shouldn’t take lightly.

Unless you catch them in the act or have concrete evidence of them cheating, you can never know for sure that your partner is cheating. Don’t let your anxiety, insecurities and trust issues cause you to lose a good partner because you thought they were cheating. You have to pay close attention to your guts but without concrete evidence, do not accuse your partner of cheating. Ask for clarity and ask the right questions and you’ll be okay. People are trash but there are still faithful people out there.

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Ami Shikah is a Certified Sex Coach, clinical sexologist, and radio personality with an Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Global Sexual and Reproductive Health Management. She loves anything and everything sex as long as it is consensual, pleasurable and free of any form of discrimination, harm or violence. On this blog, her aim is to promote sexual literacy, provide a source of arousal, and promote sexual wellness. If you need to talk to a sex professional about your sexual concerns or issues, she is the one to talk to. She can help you solve your sexual problems. She will help you have the most amazing sexual experiences and live the sex life of your dreams. Sex is a basic need and a natural part of who we are as human beings. Exercise your right to sexual pleasure today! Email her at for a complimentary sex coaching session.

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