Have you listened to episode 6 of my podcast- Sex and Sanity? If you haven’t, do that before reading this post because I’m going to be referencing a lot of the things said on that episode. Scroll down and you can listen to it right from here.


Just like adolescence is a transitional stage in every human’s life, the hoe phase is a stage where people decide they want to have fun and sexplore. They let loose and live in the moment, looking out for fun in everything they do. It is the adventurous phase of a sexually active individual’s life and they usually have a list of things they want to do and they work towards bringing them to life. Others just go with the flow, they are spontaneous and they make every moment count by making sure they enjoy every bit of it.

If you’ve listened to my podcast, you will know how men are thought to have it for a much longer period than women. Apparently, some men never leave the phase unlike most women do. They just keep sexploring, looking out for fun and even after settling down, they don’t stop. They keep sleeping with whomever they want to sleep with and however they want to go about it. I personally don’t support that because that will mean that these men will always cheat on their wives or partners that they are supposed to be exclusive with just because they can’t let go of their hoe phase.


Of course it is! But it is not for everybody.

Not everyone can do the hoe phase because some people attach emotions to sex. They need emotional attachment to open up to anyone for sex and that is fine. You need to know who you are and if you find yourself forming attachments with anyone you get with, even night stands, you will have to stop having sex with people till you are sure they are on the same page and they want exactly what you want.

Now, these are the reasons why the hoe phase is necessary:

1. It makes your sex game really high because you have the experience.

2. You find out what works for you sexually and what doesn’t and you avoid the latter

3. You get to decide what exactly your sexual orientation is after sexploring with other genders and finding out which gender you really want to be with.

4. You never feel like you missed out on anything when you finally settle down and when you see others sexploring like you did in your hoe phase, you just smile and remember your fun moments. You don’t ache on the inside because you regret not going all out in your single days and you don’t fall for temptations from people who promise to give you the kind of fun you wished you’d had earlier

5. When you finally decide to settle down, your experience helps you choose the right person who matches your sexual energy.


From my own experience, I’ve come to realize that most people experiencing their hoe phase tend to be in tertiary institutions. I had mine in the university like I mentioned on the episode 6 of my podcast.

What happens is: in the university most people tend to be overwhelmed by the freedom and it makes them want to make the most of it. In our part of the world, parents are usually too strict to let their children go out till late and party like they want to. They let their wards crave all those fun things and they patiently await the day they will finally get to leave home for the university to be able to live the way they want. The same thing happened to me because I realized I could do anything I wanted and there was absolutely no one worthy enough to be listened to around to keep me in check.

I just wanted to have fun, go to the most places, meet the most people, fuck whom I wanted and leave anytime I wanted. I wasn’t ready to be tied down so I kept avoiding all forms of commitment and I hated it anytime feelings got involved.
Not wanting to have anything serious going on with anyone is one characteristic of the hoe phase. I remember leaving a guy I was dating because just a week after agreeing to be his girlfriend, this man wanted me to meet his mom and family. I was 18, he was 31 and I was just trying to see how dating an older man would be like. I wasn’t in love with him, I wasn’t thinking long term, all I wanted was the experience and he made it hard so I left him. You know what pushed me out of that relationship faster? This man mentioned marriage to me, talking about wanting to marry me in my third year and it freaked me out.

This happens to a lot of people in their hoe phase. Meeting someone who wants to tie you down too soon freaks you out and you push them far away. Thinking about how they want to cut your fun life short will make you want to kick them out of your life.

For me, I was scared of commitment and that man wasn’t the only one. The next year, I met another man who presented to me a very beautiful life and all I had to say was yes and I would be on the road to marriage. I was in my second year, I was still scared of commitment and I’d only known him for a few weeks. There was no way I was going to say yes to him knowing so well that I wasn’t even ready for that kind of life. What if I got bored? What if I wanted out because I wanted to be with someone new?? All those unanswered questions in my head made me push him away and I don’t regret it.


We’ve all had to deal with disappointments at a point in time and we know how it sucks. For some people, getting disappointed by someone they love and expected so much from is enough reason to make them want to avoid emotional attachment with anyone because of the fear of winding up hurt like it happened previously. It makes them keep their guard up and they keep themselves busy and happy by being adventurous and sexploring. They tend to love casual sex and it is usually so fun and devoid of complications when both partners are just trying to fuck.

I, for one, am a big fan of casual sex because you tend to have the most fun with the other person. I usually suggest it to friends who’ve recently had a broken heart. They need time to heal and I tell them to go out, get to know more people, sleep with whomever they want and try fucking other genders if they want to.


1. Always use a condom! I can’t even stress this enough. In your hoe phase, you tend to sleep with the most people and they could be carrying any infection and you don’t want catch any, so always keep a pack of condoms in your bag, purse or wallet. You want to make sure you are always safe from infections.

2. Go for regular STI tests. I know I mentioned using a condom every time but we’ve all said ‘fuck it’ at a point, so in that case, make sure you get tested to erase any doubts about you being infection-free and if you have any infection, you can treat it and not spread it. That will rather taint your image and word will go out that you have an infection and you are spreading it.

3. It should be on your terms. It’s your hoe phase, you are not in love with anyone and it’s just fun, so if it isn’t working with someone, let them go and move on to someone new. If it’s getting boring with someone and you don’t want to fuck with them anymore, let them go and stick with the fun ones.

4. Don’t get pregnant, so either stick with the condom or use another contraceptive. You don’t want to get pregnant for a fling you don’t know well enough. You owe your kids better parents.

5. Be smart and don’t let anyone play you for a fool.

How was your phase? Have you had yours? How far did you go?

Tell me about it in the comments or email me and listen to my podcast if you haven’t.

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