As usual, I’m expecting you to laugh because you find it funny that, at age 24, I’m still a virgin in 2018. I get that a lot and most at times, I have people questioning my masculinity because I haven’t tasted the real fruit of life. LOL! I know how guys break their virginity before they turn 18 and how by 22, no guy is expected to be a virgin and though I never thought of it as necessary, I wish I had fallen for that and ended my plight because, trust me, it isn’t easy for me now.
I’m a staunch Christian who always believed in abstinence from sex before marriage and I never thought this day would come when I would openly say, I’m tired of obeying this commandment. May God forgive me!
So, though Christianity forms the ground of my choosing to stay chaste, I always thought of sex as sacred and an act to not be taken for granted. I thought and still do think of sex as an act that bonds two souls that are incomplete without each other, together. More like soulmates, I thought of sex as an act to be shared between one man and one woman till death do them part.
I don’t know how that sounded to you, but it is the truth and it is what I believed in. It is what kept me going when the world kept screaming at me, ‘have sex! An adult male virgin doesn’t qualify to be called a man! No woman wants a male virgin!’ It kept me going and still would have kept me going if not for what I’m feeling right now.
Truth is, I had many temptations coming my way, back in the university and high school, but luckily my studies and constant involvement in church activities helped me stand my ground.
I must admit though that, I’ve come close to sexual intercourse a number of times. Well, though there are such men out there, I hope you weren’t expecting me to be a complete virgin who hasn’t engaged in anything intimate or sexual??
I know I mentioned my Christian background but I tried so hard to not do the actual thing because of my belief, but then, I found myself falling in love and entering a relationship in the university. So, as expected, my then-girlfriend and I were intimate a few times and those times were tough because I had to fight that strong urge to just go all the way and luckily, I never did
I’ve done all that you can think of, except sex. I’ve kissed, fingered, gotten a blowjob and even sucked boobs and though I must admit that they were fun, I still didn’t go all the way. That is how strong my decision to abstain from sex was. But now, there is a problem.
The urge to do it now, is stronger than ever. I’m old, working for a reputable company, living alone and when I find myself indoors I fiend for it. I find myself getting hard with no one to satisfy my urge with and it makes me sick; I get the deadly balls. Blue-balls isn’t the only issue here because I got used to the pain that comes with it, the abdominal and emotional pain.
Also, I wasn’t a fan of masturbation, but guess what? It’s now a part of my everyday life. Reader, I hope you get how desperate my situation is?
I find myself thinking about my future sex life. I wonder how potent I am and how able I will be as a man in terms of sex. And I’ve concluded that the only way I can know about that is by engaging in the act.
I won’t want to wait till my wedding night and not be able to satisfy my wife in bed. The thought of it is actually depressing and makes me regret choosing to abstain from sex. I could have avoided all that if I had just gone with the flow and if I had, I would be a pro at this age.
If I had, I wouldn’t be here wondering if my wife in the near future will go behind my back and sleep with some other man because I am not man enough to satisfy her sexual needs. I wouldn’t also wonder how long I will even last in bed because I hear and I know it is something that bothers women the most.
These thoughts keep flooding my mind and as I said, it is making me sick. Being a virgin as a male, isn’t a thing and for now, I don’t know where I stand when it comes to the significance of abstaining from sex before marriage. I know it comes with blessings but then, how about all the men who are doing it before marriage?
God forgives sins so I can just go ahead with it and get it done with.
I’m tired of being a virgin and I’m hoping to break it before the year ends. May God help me!