Here’s my first article in the ‘sex interviews with Ami’ series on this website.

This written interview was with a young man in Ghana (30+) who loves being a third sexual partner in relationships/marriages and identifies as a bull. Just in case you were wondering, cuckolding is a kink where a man watches another man fuck his wife/partner because he derives pleasure from it. The man who watches is the cuck, and the bull is the man who comes in as a third partner to fuck the cuck’s wife or partner. You might think of it as too odd, but so many people are into it and you will learn a whole lot from reading this interview!

This interview was edited for clarity

Ami: What does it mean when you say you are a bull?

Bull: It means that I enjoy being with couples, specifically the woman, while the man watches on or joins in. 

Can you tell me how different the bull sessions are from the usual you-and-your-partner fucking sessions with regards to intensity and how it feels?

Well, it’s certainly exciting in a different way. I’m a pleaser, so I enjoy bringing in something different than what the woman or the couple is used to.

Is that just it? Or is there something about a man going ahead to share his partner with you/the man watching that makes it more intense? 

Of course! That definitely adds an edge. I mean, the ‘illicit’/unconventional nature of the encounter is a kick for all the parties involved. The woman enjoys being with a different man under the supervision of her husband, and the husband enjoys watching his wife get pleased. The bull also enjoys being used as a sexual object of sorts. 

Bulls are under no illusion that the woman wants them beyond just that encounter. They are not there to steal someone’s woman. They only enjoy giving that ‘in the moment’ pleasure.

Alright! Has it always been your thing?

Well, I don’t know the psychology behind how a kink is developed. Lol. What I can say is that, about a decade ago, when I was much younger, I was lucky to have been with a few older women, some of whom happened to be married. This was, however, on the blindside of their partners.

Okay! That is quite different from being a bull because their partners were not in the room with you. I want to know how your ‘bull life’ came about. Did you try it once and realized that it was fun, so it stuck with you? 

Of course, it’s different. My first experience was supposed to be a foursome, but my partner was unavailable, and the couple wanted me to join them anyway. I enjoyed it and have been open to similar experiences since then. 

Can you tell me more about that first experience?

It was very different from your average threesome. I met the couple in a hotel; we smoked some weed, had some wine, and talked. The wife couldn’t wait to get her hands on me, and we ended up running a train on her. They were a very high stamina couple. I think it was a Saturday afternoon; we were at it on and off till about midnight.

Wow! That must’ve been fun! How long ago was that first time or how long have you being exploring being a bull?

It’s been 2 years since my first time. From my experience, I’ve found that in Ghana, couples looking for a bull to join them are a lot rarer than couples who want to swing. And by swing, I mean a full swap of partners.

Okay, have there been situations where the man just wanted to watch you have sex with his wife/partner?

Well, no! The most passive I’ve experienced, she still gave him a blowjob. Also, my experience has been with what seems to be ‘Stag and Vixen’ couples rather than a cuckold relationship.

Wait! How different is Cuckolding/being a bull from the Stag and Vixen sessions?

Cuckolding is about humiliation: the cuck (the man watching you fuck his partner) gets a kick out of being humiliated verbally or being restrained and watching helplessly while a man fucks his partner. The bull might have a bigger dick or might be considered more conventionally handsome than the man.

With the Stag and Vixen, the man gets off by sharing her with the other man. So they are two different things. One is from a position of subservience, and the other is from a position of power, or at very least, equals.

Interesting! Can you tell me about your Stag and Vixen experiences then?

If I can recall correctly, I’ve been with four different couples. Two of them were married, and the other two were dating. Of the remaining two, I’ve been with one couple only twice and the other couple multiple times.

The swinging scene in Ghana is a lot bigger than the cuckolding scene though. There are lots of married couples who pass on me often because they want a foursome, and my partner was not available.

Well, I’m not surprised that there aren’t many cucks in Ghana

Why not? Fear of emasculation?

I think men out here are more interested in joining in than sitting back to watch you have sex with their wives/partners.

Yes, that has been my experience as well. I am of the belief that most couples who are ‘vanilla’ swingers could be ‘Vixen and Stag’ if they were comfortable enough with the right bull. I’m hoping that option would become increasingly available. Hopefully, your blog and podcast could inspire couples to go out there and explore.

Yeah, that’s really what I’m hoping will happen when people read this interview. So you mentioned that couples looking for bulls are rare in Ghana. Is that not a big issue for you? What happens when you find a couple who would rather swing than let you be the bull?

That’s their call. I don’t push it and it’s not my only kink. On a good day, I enjoy FFM threesomes too! I’ve been in a few group situations with 5 or 6 people as well, so if I’m not someone’s cup of tea, I drink my water and sleep. Lol.

The first few experiences I had were initially meant to be foursomes, but the couples ended up going with just a bull.

Was that because your partner bailed?

They were unavailable to join.

Okay. That’s a win then! For the couples you’ve been with, who would you say wanted the encounter more? The men or the women?

Definitely the women.

Nice! I like that! And has there ever been a time where a partner wanted to see you after the session? Behind their partners’ backs?

No, I wouldn’t even be interested. That would feel sneaky.

I know! But that should be the concern of most men out here, that the sex might end up being better and the woman might go behind their backs and cheat.

Understandably so! I’d suggest that everyone ensure that there’s full trust and openness in their relationship before they consider swinging of any shape or form. Else, mistrust and insecurity might ruin the relationship

I would argue also that, that is why women don’t bring other women into their sexual relationships with their partners.

Okay, that makes sense! So you think men are more trusting than women with regards to sharing?

I suppose! Women sharing their partners doesn’t seem to be very common. Perhaps you’ve come across more of those than I have.

Yes, and I know of women who fantasize about being cucks. Instead of their partners watching, they would love to sit back and watch him have sex with another woman.

I think the women should be encouraged. What do you think is holding them back?

Finding the third/right person… That is exactly what is holding them back. Anyway, you keep mentioning ‘swinging’. Is it because you consider cuckolding a subset of swinging?

I was using it as a broader term to refer to permissible sex outside the relationship.

Alright. Can you tell me how you come by couples? Twitter?

Locanto is a great place to look. Craigslist used to be awesome too.. till they took down the “personals” section. I’ve yet to have any luck on Twitter though. I think Twitter caters to a different demographic

Locanto? How do you go about it?

You should take a look at Locanto. It really isn’t complicated. You just need to place a free ad and wait, or you respond to other ads that pique your interest. It works like most classifieds. Also, they have helpful sections.


Go through the site and check it out

“Couples seeking couples”

“Couples seeking woman”

“Woman seeking woman”


So you go through the ads in these sections and engage them.

Wow! When you say Twitter caters to a different demographic, what do you mean?

Younger, usually unmarried, and ‘more talk than action’

So you’ve had people text/dm you about wanting to try cuckolding or swinging but bailed when the time was up?

No, not on Twitter. I’ve actually had no enquiries on Twitter but I’ve had people chicken out on Locanto. Usually, young single women who are interested in joining my partner and me for a threesome.

I get how that happens. They get excited during the conversation, think about it after, and wonder if they were really serious about doing it. Would you suggest to a couple looking for a partner for a threesome to use Locanto? Will it be easy to find a willing partner on there? Women, I mean? 

Well, they could try, but it may be successful depending on their preferences. It’s usually a bit difficult if you don’t want sex workers or people who are too young, and it’s rare to find 30+ single women through Locanto.

In my experience, for regular threesomes, Tinder would be best even though it doesn’t offer any anonymity these days. So if you don’t mind your work colleagues finding you on Tinder looking for a threesome, then cool!

Okay! What would you say to a couple who want to get into the cuckolding scene?

Ease yourself into it. Maybe create a burner and get on freaky twitter. Be patient, engage a few people before you select, don’t tolerate disrespect (unless that’s your kink), and don’t waste anyone’s time if you know that you are not interested.

I thought you said Twitter wasn’t working out well for you? So why not Locanto?

You asked me if I’d met anyone on Twitter, and I said no. That’s because my handle is relatively new, and I haven’t been engaging for long. However, my preference is still for Twitter since it enables you to engage with someone over a longer period of time, monitor their tastes as well as who they also engage with. It offers a much broader opportunity to assess.

And yeah, Locanto is okay. You’ll just have to wade through a lot of duds before you find something legit. I’ve had some luck on Locanto though. Perhaps your article might drive some worthwhile traffic there.

True! Last question, for healthy relationships, would you say that such encounters help in any way?

It helps when it’s what both partners want. If it doesn’t sit well with one or both, it could ruin the relationship.


Does this interview make you want to explore the cuckolding or vixen and stag scene? Tell me about it! Do you have any experiences worth sharing? Tell me about it (use the red and white icon on the screen). Do you have any questions or comments, leave them in the comments.

Do you wish for anyone to be interviewed in this series? Who? Let me know in the comments. Do you have a kink you want to talk about in an interview where you will remain anonymous, let me know (send me a message using the red and white circle on your screen).

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Ami Shikah is a Certified Sex Coach, clinical sexologist, and radio personality with an Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Global Sexual and Reproductive Health Management. She loves anything and everything sex as long as it is consensual, pleasurable and free of any form of discrimination, harm or violence. On this blog, her aim is to promote sexual literacy, provide a source of arousal, and promote sexual wellness. If you need to talk to a sex professional about your sexual concerns or issues, she is the one to talk to. She can help you solve your sexual problems. She will help you have the most amazing sexual experiences and live the sex life of your dreams. Sex is a basic need and a natural part of who we are as human beings. Exercise your right to sexual pleasure today! Email her at amishikah@gmail.com for a complimentary sex coaching session.

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