Open relationships! Who in their right senses leaves their relationships open? Like who?

That was the question I used to ask myself way back when I was in my teens and knew absolutely nothing about relationships. I used to think that, if you loved somebody you wouldn’t want to share them with anyone else because love is supposed to make you selfish. Well, love does makes us selfish but not in all things. Confused? Read on…

Look, I’m a romantic and I think having one man to yourself who is all about you and only fucks you is cool. But then, what happens when you have trust issues and have been met with too many disappointments with guys and have come to accept that, it will be close to impossible to have a man be completely devoted to you and not look at other girls?

Now, that was one scenario. How about this one: you have commitment issues or you don’t think you are ready to fuck one person for the rest of your life? Or the thought terrifies you but you want someone in your life and just don’t know how to get it across to them?

What happens when you love your partner so much but they cannot give you the regular sex you need? Or, you just love variety and you don’t believe in monogamy?

You should give open relationships a try!

Truth is, I’ve never being in one but I should give it a try one of these days; let’s see how it goes. So, if you’ve not thought of it before, maybe this post could make you consider it.


I got this definition from Google:

‘It’s a relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with others.’

Now, that should be a fun thing to do and it shouldn’t be too hard for you if you’ve found yourself in a no-title situation before, where, you and your partner weren’t exclusive but you cared for each other and got intimate and you could still ‘see’ other people. It’s quite similar actually, just that you and your partner this time have a title and you can exchange ‘I love you’s’ because you actually do mean it. And when they’re not around and you need sexual favors or need to have a little fun, you get to have it with other people with no-strings attached.

I know some of you will say, ‘she makes it sound too easy.’

Yeah, it’s definitely not something so easy to do. Some people just can’t stand the idea of their partners being with other people, especially the possessive ones. So, it definitely won’t work for them. Before you even consider it, you should look within yourself and decide whether you are cut out for something like that.

Honestly, it will be one crazy thing to do because of your feelings and the number of STI’s out there. So if you’re going to opt to be in an open relationship with somebody it should come with rules. It won’t work without these rules and I’m going to list them. Personally, I will have to let whoever I decide to do this with, know the rules and agree to abide by them.

Note this, just like every other situation out there, it could turn bad. You could lose your partner to one of the people they decide to have fun with. So, play your cards well.


  1. You and your partner are boyfriend-girlfriend. Meaning, it’s just like any other relationship where you are both trying to build something together, just that you are allowed to have a little fun outside. Meaning, you care about each other, meet each other’s needs and make sure you are both happy in the relationship. Also, you cannot start a relationship with anyone else and whoever you get it on with needs to know or accept that you have a girlfriend or boyfriend and whatever you’re doing with them is just for fun, nothing serious. If you do otherwise, it becomes cheating and that could ruin things.
  2. You need to be completely honest with each other to make it work.
  3. If you care so much about your health, you both should get tested and make sure you are STI-free or if not, you treat whatever infection you are diagnosed with for your own good. This way, you that you can have raw sex whenever you want and not have to worry about getting infected with gonorrhea or the others.
  4. You can’t have raw sex with anyone other than your partner. So, get yourselves packs of condoms and take some along with you wherever you go. If it’s not covered, it’s not entering.
  5. Your partner comes first in ‘everything’. If they need you, you cancel plans you’ve made with the other people and go be with them. It’s called respect and shows you value your relationship.
  6. Figure out how much time you’ll devote to each other and how much time you’ll devote to the other people you are seeing.
  7. If your partner gets uncomfortable with one person you’re seeing, you should talk about it and if there is a need to let them go, do it for the sake of your relationship.

I’m done! What do you think about open relationships? Is it still too absurd to you? And will you like to give it a try and see if it will work for you? Hit me up and let’s talk.


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Ami Shikah is a Certified Sex Coach, clinical sexologist, and radio personality with an Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Global Sexual and Reproductive Health Management. She loves anything and everything sex as long as it is consensual, pleasurable and free of any form of discrimination, harm or violence. On this blog, her aim is to promote sexual literacy, provide a source of arousal, and promote sexual wellness. If you need to talk to a sex professional about your sexual concerns or issues, she is the one to talk to. She can help you solve your sexual problems. She will help you have the most amazing sexual experiences and live the sex life of your dreams. Sex is a basic need and a natural part of who we are as human beings. Exercise your right to sexual pleasure today! Email her at amishikah@gmail.com for a complimentary sex coaching session.

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