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THE CASUAL SEX BIBLE: UNDERSTANDING CASUAL SEX

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I’ve come to love having sex just for the sake of gaining pleasure and for a sexually liberated adult; it is the reason why I love casual sex. Sex is a physical pursuit for me; my body wants it so I’m going to get it, I find him worth fucking so I’m going to lead him on and we can have a good time. It isn’t attached to emotions, friendship or feelings. It’s just sex – BIOLOGY: two bodies interacting to excite the nerve endings for pleasure and you know what? It is fun!

I’m sure you’ve been told this already: casual sex isn’t for everybody. It isn’t for the faint-hearted or souls desperately searching for someone to love and be with romantically. It is for people in pursuit of pleasure without emotional attachment. I know casual sex is everywhere lately. We have hookup apps like Tinder and people keep having sex with anyone and everyone they meet and want to have sex with BUT does it mean those involved get it?

Do they enjoy having casual sex as much as I or others who are really into casual sex do?? People are out there attaching a whole lot to the act, people have expectations that aren’t met and people wind up hurt just because they do not know exactly what they got themselves into when they opted for casual sex. It is why I felt the need to write this post. You need to understand exactly what casual sex means and how it works.

WHAT IS CASUAL SEX?

Casual sex is basically sex with someone you are not in a romantic relationship with, sex with someone who isn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, sex with someone you aren’t emotionally involved with, sex with someone you aren’t committed to or someone you do not owe a commitment to. It is just sex you are having because you are horny or because you were lusting after somebody and because you wanted that nut.

You can establish exclusivity with casual sex or you can choose to see other people.

WHY DO I LOVE CASUAL SEX? THE BENEFITS:

  • Hassle-Free Sex

For a sexually active adult who loves good sex and craves it from time to time, casual sex gives you what you need easily. It’s like going to the ATM to get money when you need money. You call someone, meet someone, talk a little or flirt a little and you have sex after. This works best for people who are too busy to entertain someone for anything more than sex. This works best for single people who just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready to get into anything serious. This works best for people with the fear of attachment or commitment who are just looking to have sex.

  • Perfect Pursuit Of Pleasure

You tend to enjoy sex more when there are no strings attached and it is just the pleasure you are looking for. It makes you do all you can to make the most of the moment, at least that is what happens in my situation. I find it easier to orgasm when I’m having sex for just sex or pleasure, unlike in relationships or complicated situations where feelings are involved. I just go in expecting to get so much pleasure and it makes me give it my all. You don’t have to worry about your body image, whether they like you or not, whether they are seeing other people and those other thoughts that keep women or men from letting go during sex. All you have on your mind that moment is the sex and what move or round you can do next. I wish everyone would experience that!

  • Helps You Explore Your Sexuality

Having casual sex is one way to explore your sexuality, you try everything and anything because you can. You meet all kinds of people, sleep with them, see how different sex is with each one of them. It helps you learn a lot and you understand sex better. From experience, you will find that each person who was good enough brought something unique to the table. You can have sex with any gender, have sex with multiple people at a time, run a train on somebody or let people run a train on you, try out all kinds of kinks and use toys. Through it all, you will understand yourself as a sexual being better. You will be introduced to new things and you will know exactly what works for you and what doesn’t.

On the plus side, when you finally decide to settle down, it gives you a whole lot to look out for and you choose right.

  • Self-Esteem/Self Confidence Boost

Having sex because you wanted it and making the most of the moment leaves you feeling like you are on top of the world. It’s similar to how morning sex hypes you up for the day. It feels good, the sense of satisfaction improves your mood and it makes you feel so good about yourself. I would have sex and go for a meeting I’m so nervous about after. I would have sex and go for an interview after. So far as it makes you believe so much in yourself and give you that feeling that you can conquer the world, it is worth having.

What makes it extra-fun is, having multiple options and getting it anytime you want it. In this case, you pay so much attention to your genital needs and you get sex anytime you want it.

  • You Can See Any Number Of People/Talk To Other People

Casual sex isn’t a relationship and you only decide you will be exclusive with someone when you have the conversation. If not, it is just sex and you can have it with anyone you want. No one has a right to get jealous. You can have sex with 10 people in a day if you want.

  • Leave Anytime You Want

This is one of the main reasons why I love casual sex. I’m not trying to get tied to anyone because of just sex, I look out for more in my relationships. I like the idea of having to get the sex I need from anyone and when I have to leave, I just leave without having to go through that complicated breakup phase that comes with drama most of the time. It is just sex, we stop fucking and I move on with my life. And you are allowed to look out for an actual relationship with somebody else.

  • Ideal For Long-Distance Relationships/Marriages

If you have something serious going on with somebody or you are married and are committed to being with your partner for a very long time, you can resort to having casual sex with other people without jeopardizing what you have with your main partner. You just need to have the conversation with your partner and accept that you both have needs and the distance between you two makes it hard to satisfy those needs. So you see other people for just sex and get every other thing you might need from a partner from your main person.

That is how some long-distance relationships survive.

  • Ideal For Open Relationships

For open relationships, you are allowed to see other people and just like it happens with long-distance relationships, your main person is your main person. You see every other person for just sex, just because you get bored easily or just because you just cannot see only one person. You get to have your serious relationship with your main partner and still get sex from other people when you want it. It keeps some people going.

THE TYPES OF CASUAL SEX

  • ONE-NIGHT STANDS

Here, you meet someone new, have sex once and go your separate ways after (the duration and number of rounds don’t matter). It’s just one-time sex with a stranger or someone new. You can opt to not mention your name to them, you don’t need to exchange contacts and you don’t need to talk about anything deep with them. Just flirt, have sex and say goodbye. For someone like me, I wouldn’t want you to expect us to be cool or friends if you meet me anywhere or on social media after.

You know how about post-nut clarity right? After the sex, you might just go back to living your life and forget it ever happened, or maybe that is how you condition your mind. You might even resent the person after; earlier you were nice to them because you wanted that nut, now that you’ve gotten it, you don’t need them anymore. So you wouldn’t want this person to make a huge deal of the situation and try to contact you later because of that experience. I hate that it happens a lot in my country (Ghana). One-night stands shouldn’t give you a sense of entitlement. If you can’t move on from a one-night stand, don’t go about having one! It’s frustrating dealing with people like that.

  • FLINGS

A fling is basically sex with someone for a short period of time. It could be one time or a couple of times but it doesn’t last long. I’ve had a couple of flings. We would fuck back to back till I don’t want it anymore or I want to see someone new and then that’s it, I let them go but we can stay friends though. For one-time flings, you and a friend or someone you just met can have sex once and you choose to not do it again. You got lost in the moment and you had a good time but it didn’t have to happen again, so it didn’t.

For my experience with one-time flings, I like when we never speak of it again. Let’s just pretend it never happened. No one brings it up and life goes on. How is it with you?

  • FUCK BUDDIES

A fuck buddy is your booty call, someone you call or go to for sex. They are there to tend to your sexual needs when you are horny and you do the same for them when they are horny. It’s a very simple agreement between two sexually active people who need a sex partner. All you get from each other is sex and depending on how you agree to go about it, it usually works best when you leave it at that – just sex.

Fuck buddies don’t need to be checking on you daily. Fuck buddies don’t need to be there for you emotionally. Fuck buddies don’t need to know your family problems. It shouldn’t get complicated at all. They are your human sex toys. You only use them when your genitals are excited and want to get some.

  • FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

This is usually mistaken for fuck buddies. They are alike but with this, you are having sex with a friend. So just like friends do, you care about each other’s wellbeing, you reach out when they need help, you call on them when you want to talk but as friends. They can be there for you financially, help you at your job anytime you need help or help you academically. They aren’t your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. You are just friends who have sex when you feel for it.

My only problem with this is, it easily gets complicated. Usually, one person catches feelings because you are there for them like a romantic partner would. It makes it so easy to get attached and for someone who isn’t trying to get that, friends with benefits aren’t my thing. I leave sex out of my friendships. 

  • EX-SEX

Who hasn’t had sex with an ex before? I have and it is actually fun. You meet an ex, have sex and go back to living your life. This usually happens after you’ve moved on or after you’ve accepted that they aren’t the one for you or some circumstances pushed you far apart, so though you aren’t enemies, you just cannot be together.

Breaking up with someone never takes away the fact that you and the person had great sexual chemistry. You might meet them one day and you two will have a good time and it will mean nothing. You both had sex because you knew how bomb the sex would be and you couldn’t deny your genitals of that kind of pleasure. The sex shouldn’t complicate things between you two and it doesn’t signify the start of a new relationship.

  • PROSTITUTION

This is a business interaction. You have sex and one partner is paid after or before the act. You aren’t paying because you care about them or their welfare. You are paying because you wanted sex and they offered to give it to you in exchange for money.

  • SWINGING OR PARTNER SWAPPING

This is for couples in general: married couples, boyfriend/girlfriend, fuck buddies or couples who are just having sex. A number of these couples meet up, swap partners and have a good time with no strings attached. You have sex with somebody’s partner and they have sex with yours for the fun of it. It’s one way of spicing things up in marriages or relationships.

For people in long term relationships or marriage, this gives you the chance to see other people and it keeps your sex life from being too monotonous. Wanna know what’s hot? Watching someone else fuck your partner while you are also getting some. It is worth the experience!

THE CASUAL SEX RULES

  • No Emotions!

You need to learn to detach emotions from sex before getting into the casual sex game. If you are the type to get attached to or catch feelings for people after sex, you won’t be able to survive in this game. You will just keep getting your heart broken because you wanted so much more from someone who just wanted sex from you.

DO THIS: Accept that sex is just sex unless emotions are involved from both parties. Before you decide to attach emotions, make sure you have both established that you are doing something more than just sex. If not, your heart shouldn’t get involved. Don’t you dare fall in love!

  • Condoms!

Casual sex is fun and it can have you sleeping with anyone you meet, the minute you sense a little sexual attraction. You might change partners daily, weekly or monthly and how do you stay safe through it all? CONDOMS!! Get packs of your preferred condoms and always make sure you or whoever you are fucking has it on before you do it. Remember, orgasms are nice but safety always comes first!

  • Don’t Settle For Bad Sex

You shouldn’t go about having sex with people you don’t enjoy having sex with. If you have sex with someone and it isn’t pleasurable enough, you don’t need to go back to them. If having sex with them involved so much work or you put in too much time and you’d be expected to do the same again, you don’t need to go back to them. It isn’t a relationship for you to want to decide how to make it work, it is just sex. You can move to the next person who will give you that good time you deserve. Only go back when it is worthwhile (the sex was BOMB) and make no apologies for it.

  • Only Have Sex Because You Want To

Do not let anyone guilt-trip you into having sex with them. If you’ve done it so many times in the past and you don’t want to anymore, don’t do it. Never have sex with anyone if you don’t want to and if you are forced to do it, it is rape. You can take them on! NO IS NO!

  • Leave When You’ve Had Enough

It is casual sex, it isn’t a relationship. Do you even leave?? No! You just stop having sex, so let them know you’ve had enough and you cannot sleep with them anymore. Sometimes, you don’t even need to say anything. You give excuses as to why you can’t see them anymore and the next thing you know, you aren’t seeing them anymore.

  • Don’t Create Bad Blood

I am the type who gets bored easily, so I easily leave situations. If you are lucky and we get talking again or I meet you somewhere months or years after and you still got it, we can start fucking again. For this reason, I understand why you don’t need to end things on a bad note because there’s a possibility that you might want to fuck them again.

  • Don’t Let Them Get Too Close

I keep a whole lot of details of my private life out of my casual sex situations. It isn’t that deep for me, so I do not let them in. I only go to them for my nut and once I have it, my life awaits me and they do not need to be a part of that.

That is the best way to go. If not, you risk things getting complicated because someone misread the signs and went ahead to catch feelings.

NO LABELS AND CASUAL SEX

Meeting someone and having sex with them a couple of times without deciding what you are doing is casual sex to me. If I do not want more, I wouldn’t bother to establish anything other than a sexual relationship.

The only issue here is, you might be doing too much than you should be doing if it was casual sex. You might be talking daily, telling each other about everything and having sex alongside, like people in relationships and that might make things complicated. It is the reason why it is best to establish things at the onset. Decide what you are doing and make sure you are on the same page before going forward.

What If I Want More Than Just Sex?

Although this isn’t supposed to happen, it happens a lot. We all have feelings no matter how hard we try to pretend we don’t and it is very possible to catch feelings for a partner you are just sleeping with.

If you get to a point where you realize you want more than sex, you need to sit your ass down and have the conversation. You can choose to take a break from sex with the person with no solid explanation. Just let them get the vibe that you aren’t interested in seeing them any longer. If they are calm about it and let you go freely, you move on no matter how hard it might seem. If they come asking you why you don’t want to see them, tell them you weren’t trying to complicate things because you felt like you could do more than just sex with them. Depending on your response, you can get what you want.

Playing By Your Own Rules

Reader, there is still a whole lot more to say about casual sex and how it works. This post is purely based on my experience, what I know people do and what I see people do. You can choose to play by your own rules depending on what works for you, just makes sure whoever you’re fucking is on the same page with you. It should just be hassle-free and fun. If it isn’t fun, what’s the point?

Are you trying to get into the casual sex game? Did you just get out of a relationship? Are you trying to have fun?? Try casual sex! Casual sex and the hoe phase are intertwined, so if you haven’t had your hoe phase yet, you can get it by having lots of casual sex. You get to have a good time without involving your already broken heart which needs to heal.

Do you have any questions?? Leave them in the comments. Have something personal you want to share? Email me at amishikah@gmail.com and I will reply shortly. 
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MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE, WRITER, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

Ami Shikah is a sex educator and mental health advocate. She is passionate about sex education and is working towards making her website/blog a place where people come to for knowledge and information that will help them make healthy decisions about sex and sexuality. Mental health isn't treated with much importance in her part of the world (Ghana, Africa) and as someone who has had to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, she hopes to share her experiences with the world and help other people like her. She has in-depth knowledge about sex, sexual health, sexuality, vaginal health, pregnancy and abortion and is working to share it all with the world. She has also made it possible for people to ask questions and get answers to them anytime.

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