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If you listen to my podcast, Sex and Sanity, you should’ve heard me describe how I work towards getting orgasms during sex but I was recently told that the podcast isn’t as detailed as this blog because the podcast is more of a discussion between a number of people. Still listen to it though! Scroll down this page and you can listen directly from here or click HERE to get the links to listen.

Have you ever wondered why women who have sex with women have more orgasms in a few sessions than some straight women have in their lifetime? If you are a man reading this, I know you might attribute it to the fact that women know their bodies better. Yes! A woman who knows her body so well and knows exactly what works to make her cum would know her way around another woman’s body and she would know exactly what to focus on during sex to give her partner a good time. So, if you are trying to do better as a man during sex, maybe you should have a chat with a gay woman and you might learn a whole lot about how to make your partner (a woman if you are heterosexual) cum. If not, just read this post and do as I say. 

This blogpost is to detail to you one easy way to give women orgasms during sex. It’s also to detail to you how you can work towards getting orgasms during sex if you are a woman.


The answer lies in THE CLITORIS. FOCUS ON THE CLIT! Do what you can to stimulate the clit during sex and you will be able to give a woman an orgasm. 

Are you wondering how to do that? I will show you! 


Always aim towards pleasing your partner sexually. You need to do things that your partner finds pleasurable, do things that give her pleasure and the more you do them, the more the sensations build up to give her an orgasm.  

Your aim during sex shouldn’t be to desperately give your partner an orgasm. This is one way that most men get it wrong. They focus too much on the things that they should do to your body to make you cum instead of what exactly gives you pleasure and in the end, they give you discomfort instead of a good time. SO, JUST AIM TO PLEASE!


  1. Lots of foreplay
  2. Lots of oral sex 
  3. Rub on the clit 
  4. Clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex 
  • Doing lots of foreplay 

Women who get orgasms during sex with men would tell you that one key thing that they need during sex is foreplay. For me, it’s kissing. I love deep kissing with so much tongue and once I get that, my vagina would get so wet and make me ready for the session. Foreplay ushers you into the moment and if you were thinking about something else beforehand, it erases it all and helps you focus entirely on the present moment. 

So men, don’t rush the foreplay! It could be nipple sucking, rubbing or squeezing the nipples with your fingers, kissing her back, licking her back, rubbing her butt, biting her neck, and her entire body, licking her ears or sucking her toes. Find out the exact things that easily make her wet and do more of those before you move to her vagina. You should also do them when you are inside the vagina because it is key to getting her full attention and getting her very aroused for more.  

Another thing is, when a woman is well aroused, her clit becomes extra sensitive to touch and when you touch it or rub it lightly, you can send shockwaves through her entire body. Keep that in mind and do more foreplay!


There were times when a partner could’ve sworn that my vagina couldn’t get wet because with him, getting wet was hard. I’d told him how much I needed foreplay to get wet and all he wanted to do was penetrate, so guess what? He was met with a dry vagina and it was pointless to have sex with him. 

Understand how the female body works, guys! Get her fully aroused and you will love how wet her vagina would become (unless you are one of those ignorant men who hate wet vaginas). 

  • Licking the clit because it is necessary 

Shame on you if you don’t eat women out and shame on you if you do but you rarely do it! So many women have gotten used to not getting head during sex because their partners aren’t man enough to eat them out. What about her pleasure? What about her time being wasted on you for you to have a good time anytime you have sex? 

I mentioned already that if you want to learn how to give women orgasms easily, you should have a chat with a gay woman. You should already know that gay women prioritize oral sex. They know how important it is to lick the clit and you should start accepting it as necessary too. 

Cunnilingus gives you the chance to directly stimulate the clit and all you need to use is your tongue. Use your tongue and focus on the clit and lick it continuously if you want to give your woman an orgasm. Learn how to eat it right and do it often! Finger her alongside, move to her butthole and lick it too! These things can take her to her climax, so treat them as important! 

In the middle of penetration, you can pull out your penis, lick the clit for a while before continuing with penetration. Lick the clit like your life depends on it and make her very wet. 

Take this seriously! 

  • Rub on the clit 

I’ve come to realize that so many men just do not know how to go about rubbing on the clit. If you are not sure of how to do it, please ask your partner to guide you especially if she touches herself. So many women touch themselves and all they do is rub their finger on their clit and it makes them cum. You can offer to watch your partner do it and take the time to try it until you get it right. If you master this act, you will find it easier to give your partner an orgasm anytime you touch her clit. You can do it anytime and anywhere and you will make her cum. 

One way to go about learning how to rub the clit is to tell her that you want to learn. Be humble and let her hold your hand or finger while rubbing the tip of your finger on her clit like she is masturbating with a toy till she gets an orgasm. That will give you so much insight into how rubbing works and you can try it until you finally get it right. 


Like I mentioned before, arousal or getting wet is necessary to make the clit more sensitive to touch to make rubbing very pleasurable from the onset, so get her wet first. You can also insert your finger in her vagina, bend your finger upwards and rub on her upper wall. Do it for a while, make her extra wet with that, and go back to rubbing on her clit. That’s one way to keep her wet or make her wet when rubbing her clit. 

Also, getting wet is one way to be sure that a woman is getting pleasure from sex or anything you are doing to her, so take note of that. Learn to pay attention to her body movement and her moans (even though some women fake moan when they aren’t feeling anything because they feel they are expected to).


First thing, STOP MAKING YOUR SESSIONS ALL ABOUT PENETRATION. Focus on the other ways to stimulate the clit and let sex last longer (long foreplay + penetration)

In men-women sexual sessions, penetration is usually what men look forward to and it can make them focus too much on going in and out until they ejaculate and that’s it! If you care so much about making your partner cum during sex, you need to find a way to stimulate her clit when you are inside her. It is one easy way to ensure that you are not the only one getting sexually satisfied from the session. 


There are a number of sex positions that make clitoral stimulation possible and I am going to concentrate on one in this post- MISSIONARY. 

Holding each other tighter in this position does the trick

We all know missionary! The man just needs to be on top, the woman opens her legs, wraps her legs around his waist and he goes in and out until he has an orgasm. Did you know that while he is on top, you can get clitoral stimulation? 

It’s quite simple and the last time I had sex, I got a very intense orgasm from that. It’s the reason why I would gladly say that missionary is my favorite position and it is the easiest way I’m able to get orgasms every single time I have sex. So, if you are reading this and you haven’t had an orgasm during sex before, you should give this a try. 


To stimulate the clit during missionary, while the dick is inside you, the man needs to press his crotch on your clit and move his hips forward and backward to apply pressure on your clit to give you pleasure. He should also put his hands under your shoulders and hug you tightly to hold you closer to him. He can also grab your butt from beneath and press it towards his crotch.

For the woman, all you need to do is hold him tight to make sure that there is no space between you two. You can hold his back with both hands and press him downwards because you need to feel him on your clit. You also need to wrap your legs around his waist, position your heels on his butt cheeks to keep him in place and try as much as possible to move your butt upwards until you can feel a sensation in your clit. You can also place your hands on his butt cheeks and press it downwards when you start feeling some sensations in your clit. 

Then you can grind your waist while feeling him on your clit to intensify the pleasure you are getting. It can be so pleasurable if you get it right and while he is getting his pleasure from penetration, you will also be getting pleasure in your clit. Keep doing it and it will build up to give you an orgasm. Trust me, it can be so intense!


If you are exclusive with your partner, if you have raw sex with your partner and you are on a contraceptive, you can try this: 

Always switch to missionary when it’s getting so intense and you know your partner might cum soon. Right after your man cums, tell him to lie on you, and not get up. If he is too heavy, he can hold himself up a bit with his lower arm on the bed/floor but you still need to feel him on you. That way, he will be lying directly on your clit and you can wrap your legs around his waist and move your butt upwards in a way to feel some sensations in your clit. Once you start feeling something, keep going, and hold him tightly until you get your orgasm. 

This is one way that women can work towards getting orgasms during sex. Sex shouldn’t be over when a man cums, it should be over when both partners have had a great time or gotten their orgasms. 

Once again, you just need to stimulate the clit and once you start feeling some sensations, keep doing what you are doing and you will love the results. 


I know how intimate this missionary position can be and I know so many people wouldn’t want to be that close to their sexual partner if it’s just casual sex. Look! If you are trying to have an orgasm, why not do it because you just want to cum and ignore how intimate it seems. Right after you cum, you can get the distance you need from the partner. Men! Get your partner to read this post and try it out with her. That’s how to easily give her an orgasm!


When you switch to other sex positions during sex, try as much as possible to find ways to stimulate your clit for extra pleasure. If you can touch your clit, do it! You can touch yourself and rub your clit while riding the dick, you can touch yourself during doggy and several other positions. If you don’t want to touch yourself, tell your man to! Just tell him to rub your clit while his dick his inside you and have a great time because you deserve it!


Did you already know about this? Tell me! Are you going to give all I said a try? Let me know how it goes. And remember, whatever you can do to stimulate the clit during sex, do it. Once you get it right, you can easily give your woman an orgasm or get an orgasm during sex. 

Subscribe to the blog if you haven’t and let me know if you have any questions or comments! 

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Ami Shikah is a Certified Sex Coach, clinical sexologist, and radio personality with an Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Global Sexual and Reproductive Health Management. She loves anything and everything sex as long as it is consensual, pleasurable and free of any form of discrimination, harm or violence. On this blog, her aim is to promote sexual literacy, provide a source of arousal, and promote sexual wellness. If you need to talk to a sex professional about your sexual concerns or issues, she is the one to talk to. She can help you solve your sexual problems. She will help you have the most amazing sexual experiences and live the sex life of your dreams. Sex is a basic need and a natural part of who we are as human beings. Exercise your right to sexual pleasure today! Email her at for a complimentary sex coaching session.


  1. Great education
    Getting your woman to reach orgasm is a whole skill and you need to learn the act to satisfy her.

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