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WHAT IS BAD SEX? 20 THINGS THAT MAKE SEX BAD

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What does bad sex mean to you? Sex can be so great and at the same time, sex can be pretty bad and make you wish you had done something better with your time. When last did you have the latter? 

I understand that the definition of bad sex can be subjective but some things apply everywhere. I know so many people (women especially) are wasting time having bad sex because they either chose to settle or they are ignorant of how exactly sex is supposed to be. Look! Some things should never be tolerated during sex. If you ever notice them, you need to either end the session or make sure you never have sex with that partner again until they accept what they did wrong and promise to do better. You can always find someone to give you a great time. Don’t settle!

Here are 20 things that can make sex bad:

1. Consent 

This is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about bad sex. No matter what, once you are made to have sex against your will, it can never qualify as good sex. Even if your body responds to the stimulations positively and you get wet, hard, or get explosive orgasms, it’s bad sex because you didn’t willingly do it. That’s just it! It sucks that this has to be mentioned even. Shouldn’t this be a basic thing that everyone should know? If they don’t freely consent to have sex with you, don’t have sex with them. Find someone else who will willingly do it or just masturbate or, better still, get help if you are an addict. 

2. Sexual incompatibility

Sexual compatibility is so important for sex to be great. How do you test for sexual compatibility? For me, if I kiss you and I don’t like it, I just know that you are the wrong person to have sex with. I mean, I have tried having sex with people I didn’t enjoy kissing and the sex turned out awful. I couldn’t get wet and I couldn’t wait for them to cum so that the session would be over.

No matter how great someone might be in bed, if you are not compatible sexually, it just won’t work. It can be so bad! Sex positions that you used to love or find enjoyable with other people might feel so uncomfortable, you might find it hard to get wet/hard, and so many things they do might turn you off. In some cases, you might take way too long to cum than you would with other people. 

It really isn’t worth having sex if you are not compatible sexually. I mean, it doesn’t have to be that deep; it could be just sex or a fling, but you have to find them sexually attractive and be compatible with them sexually for it to be worth it. 

3. No pleasure 

Why the heck would you have sex if it won’t please you in any way? I don’t care if it’s transactional or if you are doing it for some other reason, it has to feel good and you have to put in work to make sure that happens. If it’s about you being vocal, find a way to make it happen, and don’t settle for sex that isn’t pleasurable in any way. If you are a woman reading this, invest in a good lubricant, and make sure you have a great time every time you have sex. 

4. It hurts 

Look! Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, not painful in an uncomfortable way. So many people tend to endure painful sex because they want their partners to have a great time. What about you? Don’t you matter too? Sex shouldn’t hurt! If a sex position makes you uncomfortable, speak up, and change it! If you aren’t wet enough or if she isn’t wet enough, you have no business penetrating her. It’s that simple! If your fingernails aren’t trimmed, don’t insert your finger in her vagina! If you don’t have a lubricant, don’t penetrate her butthole. Don’t cause anyone unwanted pain because of sex!

5. Guilt feelings and regret 

I don’t consider sex great if it leaves a partner or both feeling like it should’ve never happened. The minute you start having guilt feelings about sex or the minute you start feeling like you are doing something wrong because of a belief/other reasons, the fun goes away and it cancels out how great the sex might have been in the beginning. Don’t have sex if you know you are going to wind up feeling guilty about it. Don’t have sex if deep down, you feel it’s wrong. It’s not worth it! You can use that time spent brooding over the session for something beneficial. 

6. Your partner won’t listen

I once found myself in a scenario where the man wouldn’t listen to me. I knew exactly what I needed to have a great time and he kept insisting on doing it his own way because his selfish ass was just trying to go with what felt good to him. That is one thing that makes sex bad. Don’t worry! That was the last time I had sex with him and I don’t like to remember it even. It was precious time wasted! If your partner won’t listen to you, the sex isn’t worth having. It goes both ways!

7. Too short or Sex ends when they cum

This actually sucks! Imagine having a great time that is cut short because your partner came too quickly. It has happened to the best of us and no one likes it! Sometimes it’s understandable because your partner might be exhausted or ill. Other times, it can be annoying, especially if it doesn’t go past 3 minutes or a minute even. Look! It might not be too much of a huge deal if you go another round that lasts long and you get to have a good time. Sadly, some men aren’t able to do multiple rounds of sex. Once they cum, the session is over and they just want to leave or sleep. WHY? Even if you can’t go another round, you have a tongue and fingers. You can please your partner if you know how to use them! Some women also lose interest in sex after having an orgasm; once they cum, the sex is over. That can make the experience bad for their partners too!

8. Unpleasant experiences

Some people tend to have pretty interesting experiences that turn an amazing session into a bad one. The first is a partner throwing up while sucking dick. It’s something that no one would want to experience but it happens. Another unpleasant experience is an accident that leaves you with serious injuries or makes you end up in the hospital. It could be a bad fall, choking gone bad, BDSM-play causing bad burns or any other unpleasant thing. It’s the reason why you need to learn the right way to go about doing everything sex-related to make it very unlikely for such unpleasant experiences to happen. 

These are also worth mentioning: ‘wrong hole’ experiences, a woman suddenly menstruating while you are eating her out or too much shit getting involved (when you are having anal sex). 

9. Your partner sucks! 

If your partner doesn’t know his way around your body or they don’t have the slightest idea of the right way to go about doing anything during sex, it can make the session pretty bad. It could be a partner who sucks at kissing, uses too much tongue, or chews your lips/tongue like it’s meat. It could also be a partner who refuses to be patient and would rather rush to make things awkward and uncomfortable.

Another thing could be your partner chewing your clit instead of using their tongue when eating you out. That can make sex bad! I’ve watched a woman fake an orgasm just to get her partner to stop and leave her alone. Another example is your partner biting your dick or using teeth when giving a blowjob. Doesn’t that suck? There’s a whole lot more worth mentioning but this is enough for now. You need to understand how sex works, how to rightfully please your partner and the right way to go about everything. Use the internet to your advantage! 

10. No foreplay or rushed foreplay

OMG! I couldn’t wait to write about this! This is an issue that so many women have with men. Some men just focus on penetrating the vagina during sex and they ignore the most essential thing that’s required to make the experience pleasurable for their partners. We need foreplay to get wet and we need foreplay to stay wet. You need to understand that and do more of it! Don’t just do foreplay before sex; it should be a part of sex. Do it before, during, and after sex if you want the session to be considered good. 

11. A selfish partner

So many things can make a partner selfish in bed! Once you notice any, you have enough reason to not have sex with them. A selfish partner only focuses on having a good time and doesn’t consider your needs. An example is a partner who loves getting head but won’t give head. WHY? Are your needs superior to your partner’s? 

12. Doing it out of obligation 

Having sex out of obligation (to your partner) when you really are not interested in doing it can make the experience bad. This is because good sex requires your mind to be in tune with your body and it’s hard to get that in such situations. Your mind might be elsewhere and you will just be letting them use your body to jerk off. It might make it hard to get wet even. How do you handle such situations? You don’t need to have sex out of obligation! Only have sex because you are trying to have a good time!

13. Pet peeves 

I like to believe that everyone has sexual pet peeves. These are things that will automatically turn you off during sex… it could be anything. One of mine has to do with being pressured to cum by a partner. More like, they are on top of you and literally commanding you to cum. It can turn me off because it takes away the fun. What are your pet peeves? It’s best to have the ‘pet peeve’ discussion with your partner so that they can try as much as possible to avoid doing them during sex. It’s very important! 

14. Pretense and holding back 

This is a huge problem that so many people have in relationships and it makes sex with their partners unenjoyable. It has to do with pretending to be into things that you don’t really like just because your partner loves them or just because your partner finds them pleasurable. Situations like that are one-sided; one partner always has a great time and the other gets the opposite. 

It can also be about having kinks or a fetish that needs to happen before you can have a good time and not being able to let your partner know because of shyness or the inability to communicate effectively. In the end, your partner might just go with their instincts and give you a bad time. 

15. Disrespectful remarks or snide comments

It sucks that people have to put up with mocking remarks during sex. A partner who doesn’t really like you and is just trying to bust a nut might say something negative about your body during sex and ruin the moment. If a partner calls you fat or says something demeaning to you during sex, you really shouldn’t be having sex with them. End the session or block them right after. You deserve better!

16. Bad hygiene and odor

Oh, Lord! I just remembered an experience I had with a partner who had mouth odor and he wanted to kiss me throughout the session. I hated that experience! Once you perceive a bad odor, the sex can’t be considered good. It could be a vaginal odor, mouth odor, or smelling balls. It could even be smelling sheets! 

17. Mentioning a wrong name 

LMAO! Have you ever had an experience where a partner mentioned a different name during sex? No matter how great sex is, it will turn bad if your partner mentions another person’s name. It’s just plain wrong and can make you halt the session immediately. 

18. Faking an orgasm 

Sex has to very bad for you to feel the need to fake an orgasm, especially if you know that you can never get a real one from that session. Even with that, do you have to? Usually, people do it to get things over with because some partners refuse to stop until you’ve got an orgasm. 

19. Falling asleep

I don’t consider sex good if I fall asleep while you are on top of me or while you are eating me out. It needs to keep you up and it needs to feel good! If you are too tired, you don’t need to have sex!

20. Thinking of someone else to keep you going

What do you think? Do you have experiences worth sharing about bad sex? Type it out in the comments and I will reply in no time. Listen to my sex podcast, Sex and Sanity, if you didn’t know about it already. You can listen directly on this page if you scroll down or you can click any of these links to listen: Apple Users, Google/Android and Spotify

Isn’t it interesting how sex can be so bad that instead of having the person in mind, you think of someone else you once had great sex with to stay wet or hard? In some cases, you just imagine yourself having a great time with someone else or you picture someone else in the room with you. If that ever happens to you, let it be the last time you have sex with that person. It really isn’t worth it. 

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Remember, sex isn’t worth having if you won’t have a great time! You can always masturbate!

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MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE, WRITER, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT

Ami Shikah is a sex educator and mental health advocate. She is passionate about sex education and is working towards making her website/blog a place where people come to for knowledge and information that will help them make healthy decisions about sex and sexuality. Mental health isn't treated with much importance in her part of the world (Ghana, Africa) and as someone who has had to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, she hopes to share her experiences with the world and help other people like her. She has in-depth knowledge about sex, sexual health, sexuality, vaginal health, pregnancy and abortion and is working to share it all with the world. She has also made it possible for people to ask questions and get answers to them anytime.

2 Comments

  1. My pet peeves are asking me questions during sex and rubbing my clit during sex.. surprisingly clits rubbing turns me off. I love my body kissed and licked and my fingers licked during foreplay but my partner feels it's too much work, 98 percent of the time I don't cum during sex and he's unbothered. I'm being tempted to just fuck this guy.

    • You partner seems selfish.. you need to stop fucking him if he won’t give in to what you want

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