Safe Choking 101: How To Choke For Pleasure, Not Death

I love safe choking! I love to be choked when I’m being penetrated and I ask for it during doggy. I even choke myself sometimes because it can be so pleasurable. Choking has gained in popularity among sexually active people and both men and women enjoy it. If it’s your thing, remember to always choose safe choking! I know a couple of women who love to choke their partners when they are on top and others who need to be choked to get orgasms.

The truth is, even though choking can be such fun, it can be very dangerous. It can easily go wrong and cause death, so there is a need for everyone to learn how to go about safe choking to prevent accidents.

What Makes Safe Choking Pleasurable? 

Choking is a form of erotic asphyxiation/breath play where oxygen supply to the brain is blocked to give pleasure. After choking for a while, when the pressure on your neck is released, oxygen supply is enabled with an intense rush of blood that makes sex more pleasurable. The rush you get is usually because of the release of feel-good hormones (dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins) that put you in a state of euphoria. 

It’s like being very thirsty for a long time and finally getting water. You know how water can taste so good at that point? That’s what happens during safe choking. The pleasure you are getting from sex or whatever’s been done to you is heightened and it can be intense enough to make you cum. 

Safe choking can give women intense orgasms or multiple orgasms because of the euphoric effect and it can make penetration more pleasurable. Some men get erections when you put your hands around their neck and choke them safely. It can also make male orgasms more intense and pleasurable. 

It is the reason why choking is a fetish or kink to so many people. Some women need to be choked before they can have an orgasm during sex. So no matter how pleasurable sex is, if you don’t grab their necks and apply pressure to it, they won’t cum. 

Safe Choking as a Form of Power Play/BDSM

Power play is another thing that makes choking pleasurable to so many people. Such people either love to be dominated or they love to dominate other people (Dominants and Submissives). Dominants love to take or be given control during sex and submissives love to give up control. They love being powerless and they want someone else to be in charge of their actions and sexual pleasure.

When submissives are choked, it turns them on to know that someone else is in control of their ability to breathe freely. It makes them feel powerless and that can be so erotic. The opposite applies to dominants too! Choking gives them the power play they seek during sex.

Safe Choking: How to Choke

How choking works: Safe choking 101

Safe choking requires you to put light pressure on the sides of the neck, not the front, to give a lightheaded feeling. You aren’t supposed to grip your partner’s neck too hard, else you could injure/crush the esophagus or larynx. 

Stick with using your hands! Don’t tie your neck or your partner’s neck with something to choke them!

Never press on the front of the neck! Pressing the front of the neck (Adam’s apple) blocks air passage into the trachea/windpipe completely to cause permanent injuries or death. 

How to choke safely


  1. Press the sides of the neck (carotid artery) by using your thumb one side and the fore/middle finger on the other side.
  2. Apply very little pressure 
  3. Press for a few seconds (5 or less) and stop for them to breathe. The longer you press, the easier it is for them to lose consciousness
  4. Be very attentive
Safe choking tips



It’s best to work with your partner to see the right way to go about choking them before you try it during sex. You need to be able to figure out the best way to touch them for pleasure. Work with the knowledge you have, press on the sides, don’t put too much pressure on the neck, and always watch how they respond. Find out what exactly works for them or how they love to be choked and work with that. 

Make sure your partner knows how to choke safely before you ever ask them to choke you during sex 

You need to set boundaries and discuss timing. Some people love to be choked in the middle of sex and others love to be choked when they are getting close to cumming. For this reason, it’s best to discuss the right time to choke and during sex, you can either know when to grab their necks or they can let you know when they want you to choke them before you do. 


During safe choking, your partner should be able to talk. If not, there might be something wrong and that should be your cue to talk. You can incorporate dirty talk or you can ask questions, but don’t make it awkward. Ask from time to time in a way to make things fun while keeping it safe. 

Examples of questions you can ask or things you can say:

  • Who owns this pussy?
  • What’s my name? 
  • Is this pussy mine? 
  • Whose dick is this?
  • Say my name
  • Will you be my slut? 
  • Whose whore are you?


If you already know about safewords, you’d know that they are meant to make sex better and safer. They make communication easier during sex because sometimes when you are in pain, it’s hard to relay the info to your partner.

Safewords are mandatory during kinky sex and they can be very important during vanilla sex. If you don’t have one yet, get one!

I always tell people that the easiest ones to go for are colors: Use RED for when you are uncomfortable or in pain and you want your partner to stop something they are doing to you. Use YELLOW when you want them to take it easy because it might get too uncomfortable if they keep going, and use GREEN when you want them to continue something they’re doing that is so pleasurable. 


During choking, when it’s getting uncomfortable, it might be hard to speak, so it is essential for everyone who loves choking to have a non-verbal cue (safeword). It’s basically something you do to get your partner’s attention/give them the cue to stop choking you. That way, if you are too anxious, you are running out of breath or you are in pain, you can do it, and your partner will stop choking you immediately. 

Here are a number of non-verbal cues you can for:

  • Raising your hands and snapping your fingers 
  • Tapping your partner 
  • Shaking your head 
  • Hitting the surface of something with your palm/hand a number of times (3 or 5). It can be a wall, a table, or any part of your partner’s body (eg. his scalp if he is bald)
  • Dropping something on the floor (in this case, during sex, you need to hold something metallic and when it gets uncomfortable, you drop it to get your partner’s attention)

You should have a conversation with your partner about non-verbal safewords before you choke them, or let them choke you during sex. If you already have one, talk about it with your partner and let them know what it is. That’s the only way to get them to be alert enough to notice the cue when they need to stop. 

Risks Associated with Unsafe Choking

Choking and other forms of breath play (erotic asphyxiation) are very dangerous kinks. There’ve been situations where people died during unsafe choking and their partners got jailed for it. They also cause irregular heart rates, cardiac arrest, or brain damage because of the blocking of oxygen supply. 

For this reason, so many people advise against it but if it’s your kink or fetish, you can learn how to choke safely to prevent harm or death.

  • How Unsafe Choking Causes Death

So many deaths have been recorded with unsafe choking as the underlying cause. Some happened because the victim was choked too hard, their trachea was blocked for too long, or because other things were used for choking.  

You should know that because of how nice choking can be, some people love to take it to another level by using ropes or belts and tying their partners’ necks to make the breath play more intense. In such cases, when you pull the rope or belt too hard, your partner can pass out and the lack of oxygen can cause death. 


I am a big fan of auto asphyxiation. I love to grab my neck sometimes and choke myself because it feels good. To me, it’s just like spanking my ass to give me pleasure. Do you like choking yourself? Tell me about it!

As many as 1000 Americans die from autoerotic asphyxiation each year

Even though people presume that it is safer to do it yourself because you can stop yourself when it gets uncomfortable, the majority of deaths caused by choking happened during solo sessions. Such deaths were caused by the use of things other than the hand for choking/breath play to get more pleasure. The victims used belts, ties, scarves, ropes, or cords and wound up dead in the end. 

Using something other than hands for choking is the most dangerous form of choking. You will be charged with manslaughter if your partner dies. If you do it alone, you might wind up dead. 


I hope you know this: you can’t just up and do anything considered a kink to a sexual partner without getting consent to do it. It could be biting, choking, slapping, peeing on their face, or any other kink. You need to have the discussion beforehand. 

Stay away from nonconsensual choking

Get consent before you try to choke anyone during sex or you might end up scaring a partner, turn them off, or harm them if they aren’t into it. Usually, I advise people to talk about kinks in the beginning of the sexual relationship. You need to bring up anything you are into or might be open to trying during sex. To make it easy, google ‘list of kinks and fetishes’ and you and your partner can identify the ones you are into, the ones you are open to trying and the ones you will never consider trying. It’s very important, so if you’ve not had the discussion yet with your partner, do it now! 


Choking requires you to be self-aware and very attentive, so don’t choke when you are under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Take this seriously because you need to be able to stop after a few seconds (5 or less) and you need to be able to tell when your partner needs you to stop, especially when they use the safeword or non-verbal cue.


No! If you are into choking, try as much as possible to make it a once-a-while thing. If you have a very active sex life, don’t let your partner choke you every single time you have sex and don’t choke your partner every single time. You can try to just do it once or twice a month to be on the safe side. 

Here are some side-effects of frequent choking:

  • Difficulty breathing
  • Hoarse voice 
  • Coughs 
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Headaches 
  • Lightheadedness
  • Broken blood vessels in the eye
  • Red spots on the face 

Once again, never let someone choke you unless you’ve established a safeword or non-verbal cues, and unless you’ve shown them how to safely choke you or you’ve seen that they know how to choke safely.

Do you have any choking stories to share? Leave them in the comments, or send it to my mail directly using the red and white circle on your screen. Do you have any questions? Ask in the comments and I will answer as soon as I can!

Subscribe to the blog if you haven’t and receive notifications in your email when new articles are published. Take care!

Safer choking is the best way to go about choking. Remember the rules and press the sides of the neck!



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Ami Shikah is a Certified Sex Coach, clinical sexologist, and radio personality with an Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Global Sexual and Reproductive Health Management. She loves anything and everything sex as long as it is consensual, pleasurable and free of any form of discrimination, harm or violence. On this blog, her aim is to promote sexual literacy, provide a source of arousal, and promote sexual wellness. If you need to talk to a sex professional about your sexual concerns or issues, she is the one to talk to. She can help you solve your sexual problems. She will help you have the most amazing sexual experiences and live the sex life of your dreams. Sex is a basic need and a natural part of who we are as human beings. Exercise your right to sexual pleasure today! Email her at amishikah@gmail.com for a complimentary sex coaching session.


  1. Please am just 26 years and any lady I will date the fellow will end up leaving me that my dick is too huge for her and I have never use any medicine before. What do I do, please I need your help

    • Hello Eben, I’m so sorry about that. If you are too huge, you need to employ some techniques to ensure that your partner get pleasure instead of pain during sex. you need to do a lot of foreplay, do a lot of kissing, fingering, and give head to make sure that she is extremely wet before you try to penetrate. Even when you are penetrating, you need to communicate and make sure that your partner is comfortable every step of the table. Also, you need to avoid positions that make it easy for you to penetrate deeply. You need a partner who can communicate with you and explore sex positions with you, for you to identify the ones that make her comfortable and the ones that make it hurt. So that you can avoid the ones that create pen. This should help!

  2. Thank you
    Let me put that in to practice and see

  3. I have a comical choking story me and my girl where at my grandpa's house after dark got worked up smoking on the front porch afew seconds later I have her bent over the chair hittin it from the back reaching around choking her at the same time next thing I know she's limp and falling into the chair I caught her before she fell all the way moments later she wakes crying no idea of what happened I told her laughing uncontroably she processed what I had told her says ok straightens her legs up bends back over like a trooper and the best part is my dick stayed inside her the entire way down and back up lmao happened so quick tho had no idea what was going on at first I thought she was Cummings and got weak in the knees lol

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